


If Only

by Anonymous101



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:51:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7263082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous101/pseuds/Anonymous101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seth imprinted on Jacob the day they met. He was to afraid to admit it until it was to late. Jacob imprinted on Renesmee and it was killing Seth. What will happen when Jacob catches Seth trying to kill himself? What will happen when Jacob finds out the truth? And how will the Cullen's react?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of these characters.

Seth's POV.

I sit on the edge of my bed trying to control my anger. I can't believe it. I refuse to believe it. He couldn't have imprinted on _her_. It was impossible, but I know it's true. Jacob has imprinted on Renesmee and there is nothing I can do about it.

The way he'll look at her, his eyes will fill with love. I start to shake with anger. He should be looking at me like that. Not _her._

I jump out my window and phased into my wolf. I run towords the cliff and phase back to my normal body. I can't do it anymore. If I die it will all be over. I take a short breath and jump. The moment I touch the water I hear yelling. I shut my eyes and let myself sink.

I feel a hand, as someone grabs me. I kick at them trying to escape there grip but I'm not strong enough. I feel myself get dragged onto the beach. I look up and see _him_.

"Why did you try to drown yourself," he barks. I look away, tears forming in my eyes. "Tell me," he orders. "It was because of you," I yell. His grip softens and I pull away. "What do you mean it was because of me," he asks his voice soft. I turn away from him and run. I can't look at him. Not like this.

I phase again and this time run straight home. I put clothes on and get into my mom's car. I need to leave. I can't stay here. I can't see him. Not now. Not ever.

I drive for hours and end up in Seattle. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. _Eight new messages._ All of them are from Jacob. **_Where are you?_**

**_What did you mean?_ **

**_Why did you leave?_ **

**_Please answer me._ **

**_Seth._ **

**_SETH._ **

**_Are you hurt?_ **

**_I'm coming to find you._** I grab my phone and answer quickly.

_I'm fine. Just leave me alone, Jake._

I drop my phone on the seat and just sit for a few minutes. I realize I don't have any money and will eventually have to go back. I hear my phone vibrate. I check and see it was my mom.

_**Hello**. _

_Seth. Where are you?_

**_Mom. I'm okay. I just need to get out of town for a little._ **

_Okay. Promise me you won't get into any trouble though._

_**I promise**. _ **_My phones about to die. See you later._ **

_Okay. I love you._

**_Love you too. Bye_ . **

I hung up and sat my phone down. My mom is the only person I told. Thats the only reason she let's me leave. I rub my eyes and fall asleep, dreaming of Jake.

Jacob's POV.

I sat on the ground. I am to stunned to move. I feel my phone vibrate.

**What do you want, Bella.**

Jeez. Ness just wants to hang out with you.

**I'm sorry. I can't today. I need to find Seth.**

Why? What did you do?

**I don't know. He got mad and ran off. And why do you just blame me.**

I can see if Edward can read his thoughts. And because reasons.

**How? He's not in Forks. I've already searched. And what reasons.**

Don't worry Jake. We'll find him.

I hang up and drop my phone. Why did he leave? What had I done to him? Where is he?  I stared at the water. If anything happens to him... I will never forgive myself. If only I knew what was wrong. If only...

 

**Sorry that this one was short I promise te rest will be longer. Also if you notice any mistakes please let me know.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating. I'll try to be better about it. Also the chapters will alternate between Seth and Jacob. So next chapter we get to see what happened to Jacob.

Seth's POV.

I heard a loud knocking on my window and I reached for a knife from the glove box. I turned and sighed.

"How'd you find me," I asked when I stepped but instead of answering he hugged me. "Paul," I started but he stopped me.

"Don't you ever leave or I will slit your fucking throat," he said and I could feel his tears on my neck. I hugged back and started to cry along with him.I d never seen him like this.

 

Truthfully this last week had been killing me. To be honest, I had missed him. Me and him had been close. He was like an older brother to me. I pulled away and looked up at him.

"How did you find me,"I restated. He smiled. "Your mom told me. She knew you wouldn't run away from me. What happened, anyways," he asked. I looked away. I couldn't. He grabbed my hand and forced me to look at him.

"You can trust me," he said and in a way, I believed him.

"You have to promise me that you will never tell anyone. Promise me on my life," I said and I had my guesses he knew about what had happened.

He looked me seriously. "I promise on your life," he said and I could see the fear in his eyes. For the first time in a while I didn't feel afraid to say his name. "I imprinted on Jacob. Jacob Black," I said.

His eyes darkened. I knew exactly what was about to happen. I grabbed his head and made him look at me. "

Please calm down," I said. He looked at me and I saw a tear form in his eye as he hugged me.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," I said and rested my head on his shoulder. I could feel his breath hitch but I didn't move.

"Let's go home," he said.

"I can't. If I face him, Paul, the pain will be brought back," I said tears forming again. He grabbed my face and wiped the tears away with his thumb.

"I won't let anything hurt you. Not while I'm here," he said and then he did something I could never have seen coming. He kissed me.

I didn't know what to do. The scariest part was that I liked it. It helped to fill the pain in my chest. I kissed back and it was like the wolf side of me was trying to rip me apart.

I knew it was because I was ignoring the imprint but I didn't care anymore. At least this something. He pulled away and smiled from ear to ear. I laughed for the first time in a while.

"Let's go home," he said and we got in the car.

Two things in what I was certain were true. I was finally found something to fill the hole in my stomach. The second, I was most likely going to regret this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and tell me if you enjoyed.

Jacob's POV

I threw my phone onto my bed. Why did he leave? I looked out my window. Why didn't he trust me? I'd never hurt him. 

My phone rang and I felt hopeful. Maybe he'd finally called me back. But it was just Sam. 

**(Jacob)**

_(Sam)_

**What do you want?**

_He's back._

**Seth.**

_Yes._

**Do you know what was wrong with him?**

Sam went silent for a moment.

_Yes._

**He told you.**

_No Paul did._

Seth was fine talking to Paul but not me?

**I'll be down in a minute.**

_I don't think that's a good idea._

**What? Why?**

_I can't tell you that up to him._

I threw my phone at the wall. What had I done that deserves not to see him? 

And why Paul? I was his best friend for so long and what? Now Paul was? This is so stupid. I deserve to see him more than anyone. I'm the one who saved his life.

I left and got on my bike. I don't care what they say, I'm seeing Seth. 

Seth's POV

I screamed. The nightmare repeated itself. The wolf attacking me. To be more accurate it was my wolf. 

I didn't understand why was I being attacked. Then the images reappeared in my head. It was upset because of the whole Paul thing. 

I sighed and looked at the clock. Five in the afternoon. I had slept way to much recently.

I got up and put a shirt on. I guess I could go see the Cullen's but them Edward would know about the Jake thing.

The name stabbed at me like a knife. I knew I had to see him eventually. I hated that fact. I read a note by the bed. 

_Be home at ten. Went to the bonfire. <3 Paul._

I guess I could go. I might see Jake but I could use a night out. I'd been in the house for too long anyways.

It wasn't to far of a walk so I made it in only a couple of minutes.

I was glad I didn't have to phase. I didn't want to risk anyone hearing my thoughts. Especially not  _him._

Paul saw me and ran up to me. "You came. I didn't think you would," he said. 

"I needed to. I could not stay in your house another day longer. I know you bought it so we could be together but it is seriously terrible to stay in one place for to long," I said. 

He laughed and grabbed my hand. I blushed but didn't pull away. I felt Paul stiffen and push me behind him. At first I thought it was a vampire but if it was than I could sense them.

No it was something else.Something Paul didn't want me to see. It had to be...

"Where is he," Jacob yelled and I shivered. Sam ran infront of him. 

"Jacob," Sam said. Oh yeah. I forgot Paul had told Sam. 

"No. I deserve to see him," his voice broke. "I need to see him," he said. 

Paul looked at me. He didn't say anything, but I knew what he meant. _Are you okay with this._

I bit my lip. I didn't know if I could. I sighed. I couldn't hurt him anymore. I nodded and he seemed upset about my answer but grabbed.  my hand and pulled me from behind him.

When Jacob saw me he ran towards me and tackled me in a bear hug. My hand escaped Paul's in the process. For the first time in a long time the wolf seemed  _calm._

It felt good but I knew it would end soon. "Where have you been," he yelled. He looked into my eyes and he sighed. "Why did you leave?" he asked. 

Paul walked up and grabbed my hand. For a fraction of a second I saw something weird in Jake's face. I couldnt put my finger on it but I swear it looked like he was  _jealous._

Jake suddenly put on a grin. "That's new," he said. 

I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my chest. _Admit the truth. Admit the truth. Admit the truth._

That single thought made me shake. What was happening? I wasn't phasing. No. This was different. Painful.

Paul grabbed my hand. "Someone help me," he yelled but one voice caught my attention. 

"You'll be alright. I won't let anyone hurt you," Jacob said. 

Then the darkness surrounded me.


	4. Chapter 4

Seth's POV

I woke up in a bright room. "There don't seem to be any sorts of injury. There's nothing I can do. Edward is there anything you can see in his thoughts," the voice of Carlisle said.

Edward stayed silent than the 'dream' I'd just had came back to me. If he'd been reading my thoughts than he would have seen...

"Nothing," he said. I could tell that it was a lie but if anyone else noticed they didn't say anything.

That's when Paul spoke up. "He's awake. Give him room," Paul looked down at me. "What happened," he asked.

I turned and hurled in a trash can. "I need to go for a run," I said and got up. Before anyone said anything I was out the front door of the Cullen's house. I phase and forced all thoughts put of my head except for one. Freedom. I ended up at the cliff I tried to jump off. The idea was tempting.

I knew I'd hurt more people but I couldn't help it. I allowed one thought to be free. 'I'm sorry' and I jumped phasing back to mortal. I knew if this were a book people would be booing for the lack of creativity. But it wasn't and nobody would here about my life.

I heard shouting from the top and saw two figures jump. It was obvious who. "I love you," I yelled not knowing really who too, and plunged into the water allowing as much water as possible to fill my lungs and for the second time felt darkness surround me.

p>Jacob's POV

"I love you," Seth yelled. I looked at Paul and saw the tears falling as we fell in. I've never seen Paul cry before.

We both grabbed his arms and dragged him up. "Is he breathing," I asked. He started to shake. Not because he was going to phase. No. He was about to break down.

"You need to be strong. For Seth,"he wiped the tears away and nodded. When he pressed his lips to Seth's to try and give him air I felt this pain in my chest.

I didn't pay attention to it and watched as Seth spat out water and looked up at us. Tears filled his eyes and Paul and I grabbed us and held him close to us. "Your never allowed to be alone again," Paul said.

"Yeah. You have to have someone with you at all times," I agreed.

"Thanks Jake," Paul said and picked Seth up carrying him away.

_One Day Later_

Seth's POV

The rest of the pack was busy so they left me with Edward. I sighed. "You read my thoughts," I said. He nodded.

"Some pretty interesting stuff in your head," he said. "Especially about Jacob and Paul," he said winking.

I punched him in the shoulder. "But mostly Jake," he said causing me to hit him again.

We both laughed and continued walking. "But in all seriousness why did you try to kill yourself," he asked. I sighed. I knew this was coming.

"You were just in my head. You tell me," I said not wanting to say it out loud. He rolled his eyes but proceeded anyways.

"You tried to kill yourself to make things easier for Jake. Like how I left to make life better for Bella," he said wincing at the memory.

"Yeah. Not just for Jake but for your daughter to. They both deserve to be happy," I said.

"So do you," he said.

"I can be. With Paul," I pointed out.

He raised an eyebrow. "Let's be honest Seth. Remember how Jake was to Bella. I think that's how you feel for Paul. You love him but never as much as Jacob," he said.

"Paul makes me happy. I can deal with the Jacob pains but at least I'll have something to make me happy," I said. He sighed.

"You're more difficult than Bella," he groaned and I laughed.

He glanced at his watch. "It's about time for me to drop you off with Jacob. Will you be fine," he asked.

"I feel like a child being dropped off. I should be good for a couple hours," I said. He nodded and picked me up and ran me to Jacob. I could see what Bella had liked about this. Not having to move and the wind rushing by you.

We stopped suddenly and I saw Jake. The wolf inside me felt at ease. "That's interesting," Edward whispered.

Jake ran up and Edward set me down. "Thanks," Jacob said. Edward nodded with a smile. They are finally getting along.

Edward laughed. "Yeah. We do," he said. Jacob looked confused but just rolled his eyes.

He put his arm around me and Edward smirked. I glared but he just laughed and left.

"So what do you wanna do," Jake said. I shrugged. I honestly didn't trust my voice right now.

"The Forks High School is having a carnival tonight so I guess we could go," he said. Of course a somewhat romantic thing. "Good thing you like Paul instead of me or else this would be like a date," he said with a light chuckle.

I laughed nervously but he didn't seem to notice. He got on his bike and I sat behind him wrapping my arms around his waist and scooted closer so I was against him. I blushed and was glad he couldn't see me. When we arrived people whistled and we flipped them off and laughed.

We walked in and played some games. He won a bear and gave it to me. It got late and we left. He took me home and Paul smiled and grabbed my hand.

We walked inside and sat on our bed. "How was today," he asked. 

"I love you," Seth yelled. I looked at Paul and saw the tears falling as we fell in. I've never seen Paul cry before.

We both grabbed his arms and dragged him up. "Is he breathing," I asked. He started to shake. Not because he was going to phase. No. He was about to break down.

"You need to be strong. For Seth,"he wiped the tears away and nodded. When he pressed his lips to Seth's to try and give him air I felt this pain in my chest.

I didn't pay attention to it and watched as Seth spat out water and looked up at us. Tears filled his eyes and Paul and I grabbed us and held him close to us. "Your never allowed to be alone again," Paul said.

"Yeah. You have to have someone with you at all times," I agreed.

"Thanks Jake," Paul said and picked Seth up carrying him away.

ONE DAY LATER

SETH'S POV

The rest of the pack was busy so they left me with Edward. I sighed. "You read my thoughts," I said. He nodded.

"Some pretty interesting stuff in your head," he said. "Especially about Jacob and Paul," he said winking.

I punched him in the shoulder. "But mostly Jake," he said causing me to hit him again.

We both laughed and continued walking. "But in all seriousness why did you try to kill yourself," he asked. I sighed. I knew this was coming.

"You were just in my head. You tell me," I said not wanting to say it out loud. He rolled his eyes but proceeded anyways.

"You tried to kill yourself to make things easier for Jake. Like how I left to make life better for Bella," he said wincing at the memory.

"Yeah. Not just for Jake but for your daughter to. They both deserve to be happy," I said.

"So do you," he said.

"I can be. With Paul," I pointed out.

He raised an eyebrow. "Let's be honest Seth. Remember how Jake was to Bella. I think that's how you feel for Paul. You love him but never as much as Jacob," he said.

"Paul makes me happy. I can deal with the Jacob pains but at least I'll have something to make me happy," I said. He sighed.

"You're more difficult than Bella," he groaned and I laughed.

He glanced at his watch. "It's about time for me to drop you off with Jacob. Will you be fine," he asked.

"I feel like a child being dropped off. I should be good for a couple hours," I said. He nodded and picked me up and ran me to Jacob. I could see what Bella had liked about this. Not having to move and the wind rushing by you.

We stopped suddenly and I saw Jake. The wolf inside me felt at ease. "That's interesting," Edward whispered.

Jake ran up and Edward set me down. "Thanks," Jacob said. Edward nodded with a smile. They are finally getting along.

Edward laughed. "Yeah. We do," he said. Jacob looked confused but just rolled his eyes.

He put his arm around me and Edward smirked. I glared but he just laughed and left.

"So what do you wanna do," Jake said. I shrugged. I honestly didn't trust my voice right now.

"The Forks High School is having a carnival tonight so I guess we could go," he said. Of course a somewhat romantic thing. "Good thing you like Paul instead of me or else this would be like a date," he said with a light chuckle.

I laughed nervously but he didn't seem to notice. He got on his bike and I sat behind him wrapping my arms around his waist and scooted closer so I was against him. I blushed and was glad he couldn't see me. When we arrived people whistled and we flipped them off and laughed.

We walked in and played some games. He won a bear and gave it to me. It got late and we left. He took me home and Paul smiled and grabbed my hand.

We walked inside and sat on our bed. "How was today," he asked.

"It was good. I got a bear," I said showing him. He laughed and ruffled my hair.

"And you yell at us about treating you like a child," he laughed again and I giggled. I did love him. Never as much as Jacob but maybe this was the best way.

"I'm gonna name it Paul Jr.," I said and he blushed. "Ooh your blushing," I said and he jumped on top of me. He started to tickle me and I burst out in laughter.

He dropped off me and looked me in the eyes. I felt this rush of emotion and jumped on top of him pressing my lips against his roughly.

He seemed shocked but that didn't make him hesitate to kiss back. He pulled away and looked at me. "Someone's in a good mood. I'd love to continue this but I don't want to hurt you," he said. I groaned.

"Don't worry about hurting me. I can take it," I said. He sighed.

"Not now Seth. Trust me. I would be overjoyed to but I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you," he said and looked at me tears threatening to break free.

I kissed him lightly. "I love you," the words slipped from my lips before I could give a second thought. Yet they sounded perfect. His eyes gleamed.

He kissed me again and pulled me into his chest and I allowed myself to fall asleep. And for the first time, I didn't have a nightmare.


	5. Chapter 5

I sat in Paul's lap. He continued kissing my neck like he had been the last hour or so. We were both shirtless and cuddled close together watching the same  movie we had the previous night or two. 

I bent my head back and kissed him lightly. He smiled. "I love you," he whispered.

"Love you too," I said and spun around so I was facing him. I started to kiss his neck, with the occasional bite. 

"Seth. You promised not to do this," he said but let out a little moan. 

"I think we both know that was a lie," I whispered and started to straddle him. 

"God damn it, Seth," he said before flipping me onto my back. "I've been trying to be good. But screw it. You want me to have some fun. Let's have some fun," he growled before pressing his lips roughly to mine. 

He threw of his shorts leaving him in only his boxers and he started to grind against me. I let out a loud groan and I could feel his smirk.

"Like that baby," he asked and when I didn't reply he slapped my ass roughly. "Answer me slut." 

That's when I snapped. I kicked him off of me and grabbed my shirt and threw it on. "What are you doing," he growled.

"If I'm just a slut to you then I don't want to stay," I said.

His eyes softened. "I didn't mean that. It's just when I get horny," he trailed off. 

I didn't stay to hear anything else. I walked out and I saw Edward run up. "Not in the mood to talk," I growled.

He rolled his eyes. "Look. Let's just go for a walk okay," he said.

"Fine," I sighed as we made our way to the woods.

"So things not doing so good with you and Paul," he asked.

"Nope. But I don't even care at this point. He thinks I'm a slut then I don't need to stay," I said with a light shrug.

"Hey it will work out and if it doesn't you can go be with Jacob," he said.

"Why do you want us together so fucking bad Edward," I yelled. 

He smirked slightly. "Maybe I want to see a happy ending," he said. 

"Sorry to tell you. That isn't going to happen. He's got your daughter and I've got myself. That's all I need," I snapped. 

"Why can't you just be happy," he yelled.

"Because I don't want to be. I like being alone. Nobody could ever even love," he cut me off by kissing me. Yeah. KISSING ME. HE FREAKING  ME.

He pulled away and smirked before walking away. I didn't move. I just laid on the ground, curled into a ball, and cried.


	6. Chapter 6

I laid on Jacob's bed. He'd found me in the woods sleeping against a tree and had carried me here. He'd suggested Paul's but that idea was quickly rejected. 

There was a meeting tonight but I was told not to go so I had my guesses it was about me. 

My phone vibrated and I pulled it out. 

Babe.

No.

Come on. You can't ignore me forever.

How much you want to bet.

Seth.

If you don't stop texting me, I will block you.

Fine. I love you.  

Okay. 

I got out of Jake's bed and walked out. I needed to leave. I couldn't stay. It was to painful just laying and doing nothing all day. 

I walked to Emily's. I opened the door and as per usual she was cooking. 

"Hey Em," I said and she smiled.

"Hello Seth. Muffin," she asked and of course I took one.

"How are you," she asked. 

"I don't know. Paul and I got in a fight so I just went to Jake's and stayed the night," I said and took another bite of my muffin.

"It'll work out. And if it doesn't maybe you can get with Jacob," she said. 

I almost choked on my muffin. "Wait. You know," I said. 

"Yeah. Sam told me after I asked him who you imprinted on," she said.

"Well what do I do," I asked.

"Tell him," she said simply. 

"I can't. If he hates me I don't know what I would do," I said my eyes slowly starting to tear up. 

"How do you know he would hate you," she asked.

"Because he imprinted and he isn't gay. He's with Renesmee and he loved Bell before that so he could never love me."

"Seth. You know how imprinting works. It doesn't mean he wants to be with her. You want him. It's very obvious," she said.

"But what if he does end up hating me," I said. 

"Then I'll have Sam make him not hate you," she said.

I sighed and walked out after thanking her for the advice. I walked down the street and thought about it. Maybe I should. But what about Ness. Me and her were kind of friends. We'd go to the lake some days and just mess around. Those were when I babysat her.

Which reminds me, wasn't I supposed to be watched?

As if on cue I heard his bike pull up. "Hey Seth. I was on my way to pick you up and Em called me and told me you had just left her place. Come on. Let's go to the beach. I could use a swim," he said.

I rolled my eyes but got on the bike and wrapped my arms around him. I pulled myself close to him and this felt right. I swear I saw his lips curve into a smile when I pulled myself close to him.

He started the short drive to the beach and when we arrived he jumped off and sprinted to the water. His shirt flew off of him and he turned around and smiled a big goofy smile. 

"Come on Seth," he yelled and I rolled my eyes, but took my shirt off and ran into the water. 

He smiled and tackled me. I laughed and felt myself slip and fall. Jake's eyes grew and he caught me. Our faces were so close. And I didn't care now. 

I grabbed the back of his head and kissed him.


	7. Chapter 7

And for the first time in a while, I felt okay. His lips were rough and warm and they fit with mine perfectly. 

And he didn't pull away. No. He stood there, with his lips attached to mine. He kissed me back. And if was full of passion and hunger for me. Not Bella. Not Ness, but me. He wanted me.

He pulled away. "Shit. What did I just do. I fucking imprinted and now I'm kissing another guy. Shit man. It wasn't bad though. Actually I really liked it. The feeling of another man against me. It was nice. But shit. If anyone ever finds out about this," he trailed off. 

I felt tears. Yeah he said it was good. But he wasn't happy. I could tell by his voice. He hates that we kissed.

"Seth," he said, his voice soft," Listen. That was amazing and maybe I have feelings for you, but. I just. You have to understand how imprinting works. I'm stuck with Ness till I did and that means we can't he together," he said. 

I laughed slightly. It wasn't with humor. No it was with anger. And sadness. And actually no. There was humor. At what he didn't realize.

"But you don't fully understand. I do know what imprinting is like. Where your center shifts around that one person and they are what keeps you on the ground. Because I did imprint. And you would he very spruced at who I imprinted on," I said with a small smile. 

"Who Seth. Who did you imprint on," he asked, eyes wide. 

"Look in the mirror. It's you dumbass," I said and with a smirk turned and walked away.


End file.
